Living, Learning and Growing is and should be constant.
We are lost if we don't learn from our mistakes and make better choices or do better for ourselves.
I have learned over the last three weeks that expectations can't be met if we don't communicate what they are.
Communicating the way you want to be treated and demonstrating the way you want to be treated; then not getting the same in return is a Shame. It's unfortunate yes, but it's not the end of the world. I've learned that there can be a lot more to communicate if there is no understanding. What does that mean? I asked myself this a lot. It means that just because I understand what it is that I want and expect, it doesn't mean that other's do.
Sometimes we can be what we think is "CLEAR" with our words, but the message isn't conveyed the same.
This requires MORE understanding on my part and clearer communication.
I've become a strong Minded Women, maybe even a little too strong. I've been ready to walk away from what could potentially be an amazing opportunity. It may have been a haste decision; yes. I admit that. In my defense I felt like I was protecting myself from what could potentially be a disaster or what I considered the worst thing ever "heartbreak". Not knowing or taking into consideration whether I have done enough on my part. I think sometimes we forget when we get into a new relationship that the person in our life doesn't know everything yet about us and can't always assume that we have good intentions too. I've never been easy to quit or give up on something especially when I, myself can see for myself that there really isn't a reason for me to feel insecure or afraid of "heartbreak". It is after all better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. Lesson learned. It's okay, I understand that now.
Putting aside my pride is something I seem to be doing a lot since learning to grow in every way. I've learned to be more open emotionally, which is very scary for me. I've made myself vulnerable and in return I got the same. Or so it feels like that. Only time will tell, but I won't know for sure unless I try.
There has been so many changes in my life over the last three, as I'm sure everyone who has had to deal with Covid19. Everything from work, school, home & relationships. We are all going through our own struggles and tribulations. I've begun to look at it as a blessing in disguise. The things I wanted to do for myself but always used the excuse that I didn't have time for it, now I've been given the time and opportunity to do so. Yes I have taken full advantage of it and created a life by my own design. One that I love waking up to in the morning and going to bed at night. Although I still have my three day sleepless cycle, it is becoming easier to manage. My PTSD hasn't woken me up in months. No cold chills, waking up gasping for air, no restlessness and the best part is I haven't woken up in tears for a long time. I honestly couldn't tell you.
Seriousness aside, I have some self reflecting and admitting to do for myself. I am feeling something that feeling I felt a long time ago. That feeling I felt the first time I fell in love with a boy. Although now I am more cautious in admitting it to myself because then it makes it true and out there in the universe, which is a terrifying realization but true.
Maturity is learning to walk away from people and situations that threaten your peace of mind, self respect, values, morals and self worth - My new Mantra.